Elexil

to post something up here.


But I have exams. Maybe one day. Maybe i'll just start posting my school doodles (that i shouldn't have been doing but did anyway) up here. I'm pretty proud of some of them, although they're on paper and none are coloured. Also they're all dragons, minus one.


I need to revise.



I'm not revising.




I'm still not revising. I have an exam tomorrow, help me.

I just.. agh! It sounds so cheesy. I need to fly. Watching videos of hang gliders. Watching birds. It makes me want to scream with frustration. I feel anchored. Stuck to this bloody restricted earth. I want to be able to feel my feet leave the ground and be able to fly high, watch the world go past or swoop down between mountains. The absolute thrill of it.
I want to be able to hang glide. It's the closest thing I'll ever get to having wings. To be able to feel like I'm truly flying. I can't afford it though. The closest opportunity I got was ripped away along with all the money we'd spent on booking it. It really felt like something more than an opportunity had been ripped out of me that day.
I don't understand why I'm like this. I guess everyone has different dreams and mine is just to fly. And heck I want it so bad it's painful.
Money is the bane of my life, as it probably is with many others out there who cannot achieve their dreams because of it. My heart goes out to these people.


I don't know why I'm posting this on the internet.




.... D:

I still feel like not many people care for my words, but you may have them anyway.

I've just been mulling over some things and have come to the realisation that I need do something with my life. I am coming to a point in my life where I will have to get over social anxiety whether I like it or not, because I don't want to be conedmned to a cardboard box for the rest of my life.
I don't even have actual diagnosed social anxiety but there's no other way I can explain why I get rediculously panicky in every day social situations that most people would think nothing of. Take today for example, I freaked out because I had to actually buy something at a supermarket checkout. I also backed out of a rare chance for me to actually get some volunteer work which I will need if I ever want to go to university.

This needs to stop. I still suffer from never feeling good enough, and I still get tears in my eyes whenever I get something wrong at school- The humilliation just gets to me. The same happens whenever I have to speak to a teacher about myself. I just start crying. Why? I don't know. I don't want to be crying and nothing actually upsets me, so it's just embarrassing because then everyone goes all "oh no, are you alright?" And really, I honestly am. I just have no idea why my body reacts in this way to social situations regarding myself.

On the other hand, I have matured as a person, especially since my.. homestuck.. phase. I've become more of a realist. I get more irritated at people who think they can just ride through life, yet I have more patience to put up with them and support them for what they want. I'm fed up of being upset, and I've become what feels like one of the only people trying to keep the peace in the group of friends I have, or maybe I'm just not recognising other people's attempts?
But basically I am different now. When I started this account I was really quite an embarassing person. Someone I probably wouldn't want to be friends with. I care much more about myself now, and I care much more about other people. I appreciate anyone who bothers to remember me, even if we've only met once.

Oh I've also become much more.... grammar....y (hey contradictory statement there)
Ugh I've said too much, I don't normally say this shit to the internet. I've wanted to start up a tumblr account to post all my boring but it's going to have to stick to here because TUMBLR IS LEIK.. FULL.

On a brighter note it seems my sister's doing yugioh in October Expo, so that'll have to be one I definately go to. Not May. Smack bang right in the middle of exam season. It's a pain.
Regarding... art. Meh. Still have that dragon. I always start things but never finish them, maybe I'll just start posting my unfinished work on here. Sorry 'bout that.

Uh... So... it definately hasn't been over a year since I last updated or anything. I guess it just hasn't really been in my mind to go near deviantart.

Been a bit mopey really. Nothing I do seems good enough to post it where people will see. Even that one picture of sollux, I wish to remove because I just don't think it's good enough. Everything else I do just either stays unfinished or is hidden away forever. I know people say practice makes perfect, but I'm silly like that.
-Oh hey I just managed to put a metal bottle cap back on a glass bottle. There's my achievement of the day-
This isn't going to be the most insightful of my entries ever. Just sort of a "hey guys. Sorry I've neglected everything" type thing. I'll do a proper one a bit later.

yeah so that's about it. I just havn't wanted to go near DA because everyone else's shit is so much better than mine, so I've just kind of forgotten it exists.
Thus, you guys get a small look into the battles of my every day. I wish I had more confidence.


May be uploading a dragon soon, presuming I actually finish it. I probably won't. That's life.

In the meantime I have.. other worries. For me and others. I just have things to do, so don't expect much from me.



OH ANOTHER THING. I was looking back at some of my past journal entries. Just wow. I don't like my past self that much. Glad my friends accepted me then, and still accept me now. I owe you guys so much.

I know I pretty much NEVER update my DA journal but I think this actually calls for me  doing something informative.


Amnesia: The Dark Descent.



OH my god. Oh. God.
This is the FUUUUCK.




*dead*










Scary game is scary ;__;